To show of what to expect from this blog, the first few posts will be explaining the horrible situation my love life is in or like this post a recap of actual events.
This one is going back a bit to when I first arrived here in Germany. I was staying in a youth hostel, so i decided to head out. I found an gay information point for the city and they recomended a fews bars up in the Gay Triangle for me. I headed off to “ExCorner” as I was told this was the best place for my age group. I don’t know what age he thought I was but anyway. All conversations were in English by the way as my german was (and still is) shiße!
So I walked into the bar and my confusion began. I ordered from ‘hot bartender’ (my first german crush, still have it) one Kölsch (the local beer) and he placed two in front of me and said “ein euro fünfzig” (1,50€). Now this was confusing, I started off going “ein kölsch” and was told it was happy hour. Score i thought! Till I realised the effect this has on me.
So anyway the night progressed as I stood on my own at the bar, not nice then, but have gotten used to going out alone, rarely do it now. A few people tried to talk to me in German, but back then I could only speak in numbers and the basic “wie gehst?”, how are you.
On the way to the toilets some one stopped to say something to me, I said in my terrible German “Entschuldigung, nicht sprache sie deutsch”. Yes I know, that is terrible german, but thats how I used to say it! So he said “english?”. Woo, I thought, an English speaker, they seam to be few and far between here. “I will talk to you on the way back” he told me. On his way back he stuck to his word and brought me over to meet his friend.
Okay so its time to name these to, the guy who talked to me first shall be called “Old and Creepy” as I was soon to find out, and the other shall be “Student Dr”. So “Old and Creepy continuly tried to chat me up while he and “Student Dr” pumped me up with Kölsch. Now when “Old and Creepy” went off to toiletten (toilet, I never call it the toilet anymore) he left me with with “Student Dr” whos english was worse then my german! well not really, but I’d like to think that!
So while “Old and Creepy” was away next thing I know I’m communicating in tongues with “Student Dr”. That led to me being called an “Arseloch!” (Asshole) by “Old and Creepy” who had tried to kiss me previously.
So that was the night off to a good start. So we left for some reason, and lost “Student Dr”. “Old and Creepy” tried to bring me to a Sauna, I said no. Been in one before, never again, or so I thought…. So we went back to corner. At this point I was introducted to a few more people but only one is relevant to this story. That was “German Teacher”. Now he is not a German Teacher but has taken it on himself to teach me phrase in german to be aware of, so hence the name. He’s a really nice guy and I always look forward to seeing him out.
But anyway, we talked, swapped a potted CV, did I like Germany etc, its my thrid time here, so I think the answer is obvious! Next thing I know, I’m kissing him. I used to have a terrible habit of when drunk, kissing anything with lips, this has gotten me into trouble in the past but I have learned now to control it. Next thing I know, I’m being led out to taxi and being brought to his place! “Shiße!” I thought “How will I get back to the hostel!”, but that was not to matter as something that will link most of these stories together happened. We sat on the couch and what happened? I fell asleep. Yes folks no hanky-panky as good old gaybitch here fell asleep. I probably should have called this blog ‘Sleepy GayBitch’!
The next morning the usual, where I am? questions start floating in my head, and for a good while I didnt remember. Kölsch is great for wiping out your memory I have learned! And giving you the mother of all hangovers! Eventually “German Teacher” awoke from his slumber and gave me coffee, that helped me feel slightly human, but it would take solpadeine and retail therapy to make me feel really human! So eventually we parted, him giving me directions to the Hauptbahnof as thats how I knew to get to my hostel!
There ends the story of my first night in Germany.
Gaybitch 